


Lean On Me, When You're Not Strong

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Not-Quite-A-Warlock [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: No redemption for Circle Members, and could have been so much longer but I made myself cry, and sad, discussion/implication of murder, discussion/implication of torture, so ooops, this one is dark too, very very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 19:50:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14776160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which Magna shares a heavy burden with Magnus, and not all is forgiven, or forgotten.





	Lean On Me, When You're Not Strong

**Author's Note:**

> This follows immediately on from Reject the System Dictating the Norms. 
> 
> Not really for Maryse fans? I mean I love Mama Lightwood, but she was literally part of an organization that wanted to commit the genocide of four separate races?! Because she thought her blood was better than theirs?!? And Luke and Jocelyn were in on it, too? Until Luke became a werewolf, and Jocelyn realized her husband was fucked in the head?!?!?
> 
> The alternate song for this chapter is The Noose, by A Perfect Circle, but I think I'm gonna save that for a confrontation with Maryse/Robert because it's... so fucking perfect, oh my god.

  _Lean on me, when you're not strong,_  
_And I'll be your friend._  
_I'll help you carry on._  
_For it won't be long,_  
_'Til I'm gonna need,_  
_Somebody to lean on._

 

_Please swallow your pride,_  
_If I have things you need to borrow._  
_For no one can fill those of your needs,_  
_That you won't let show._  
~Lean On Me, Bill Withers

* * *

Alec doesn’t come home that night, Magnus goes to his cold bed alone, and drunk, and feeling so utterly sorry for himself. When he wakes in the morning, Alec is still not there, but there are voices in his living room. He grumbles to himself as he gets out of bed, throwing on his robe and wandering out to see who has invaded his sanctum. Only to find Magna, sitting on the couch, feet tucked up beneath her, and her eyes focused so intently on a crystal ball floating in front of her, that her glamour has fallen, and she doesn’t even hear him approach.

 _“They are good people, Magna.”_ Alec’s voice says from the ball, Magnus can’t quite make out the scene in the crystal, but he can hear the voices just fine.

_“They’re Shadowhunters, dad.”_

_“So was I.”_

_“Yeah, so was Christine, and she_ hates _them. What does it say about them, about Shadowhunters, that the moment you’re ousted by the Clave, you can see clearly for the first time what they are?”_

_“Your aunts and uncles, your grandparents aren’t like the rest of them. They’re good people.”_

_“I hope your trust isn’t misplaced in them, Dad.”_

“Magna?” Magnus calls, as he hears Alec starting to argue in the crystal. Magna jumps, fingers reaching out automatically to grab the crystal.

“Baba.” She whispers, clenching her fist around the crystal, shattering it into dust, as her glamour falls back in place. “I thought you’d sleep longer.”

“I don’t sleep well without…” Magnus trails off, sighs and comes to sit down on the couch beside her. “Is he alright?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I should have called you last night. He’s going to be down for the count for a bit.”

“What?” Magnus exclaims, readying to leap to his feet and run through the city in search of his boyfriend.

“Relax, I told you he’s fine. He just deals with his emotions in really unhealthy ways, and his magic needs time to recover.” Magna tells him, settling her hand on his wrist and rolling her eyes. “Honestly, I’d be so much happier if he’d talk these things out, but we can’t always have what we want.” She says, shrugging her shoulders. “Anyway, I just came to tell you that you shouldn’t mention me to his family, and you should make sure that he refrains from the same.”

“Why?”

“They will probably want to meet me, and I refuse to be in the same room as his parents, I imagine his siblings are okay. But I refuse to go anywhere near his parents, if Clary’s mother was alive, I’d refuse to go near her, too. And _any_ of Jace’s parents, and Luke’s sister. Luke himself is lucky he became a Downworlder, or I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of letting either of my fathers in a room with him. If I had my way, you’d never be left in a room with dad’s parents either.”

“What happened?” Magnus asks, something cold curling itself around his heart.

“Well, baba, there comes a day when every child eventually flies the nest.” Magna replies, a dark smile on her face. “I was no different, disappearing off into the world to live and make a name for myself, not be under your shadow or his.” She takes a deep breath in, pulls away from Magnus and climbs to her feet, walking out onto the balcony and looking down over the city, Magnus watches her, his fingers twitching in some sort of anticipation.

“I’m sure you’re aware of the Black Sites the Circle had running in secret in the lead up to the Uprising?”

“Yes, of course, I destroyed a few, when I found them.” Magnus tells her, and tries to force the memories of that time, tries to force the horror, and the terror, and the _grief_ back down deep, deep where he has buried them these last thirty years.

“Yes, yes, of course, you did. I remember reading the reports.” Magna murmurs, a self-deprecating smile on her face. “I forgot, I’m sorry, I’m sure you lost a few dear friends to them.” She tells him, turning to give him a sad little smile, her cat’s eyes un-glamoured, then she looks away, again. “He doesn’t know this, and I don’t want him to ever know.” She pauses then, turns back to Magnus, her expression so determined and intense that Magnus feels his body tensing up. “You can’t tell him, Magnus, you have to promise me.”

“Magna-“

“Promise!”

“Fine, I promise I won’t tell him anything you’re about to tell me, even if it is against my better judgement.” Magnus promises, only marginally surprised when he feels the magic weaving his oath into permanency, Magna too was raised by Asmodeus, in a way, she knows how to get what she wants.  

“He loves them, he loves _her_ so much.” Magna says, turning away again, apparently satisfied with Magnus’ promise. "Even after all these years."

“Magna, just-just tell me, you’re scaring me.”

“The Lightwoods were in charge of one of the Black Sites.” Magna tells him, and he feels the cold _thing_ in his chest tighten around his heart, squeezing like it’s going to tear his heart out. “That’s why Maryse lost her runes, Robert would have, too, if he wasn’t screwing the right kind of person.” Magna sneers, magic crackling at the tips of her fingers, in the air around her, Magnus can’t even fault her for it. “I remember being at a bar, drinking, and then a whole lot of darkness, and I woke up in a cell, Maryse Lightwood looking down at me. I remember looking at her and being so irrationally angry because she’d pretty much only _just_ had dad, and here she was, torturing and killing Downworlders instead of looking after _him_.” Magna says, her face crumbling as tears start falling from her eyes. “I thought I was going to die, and he’d never know what happened to me. He’d never know what kind of people his parents were. I thought her face was going to be the last thing I ever saw.” Magnus moves before he’s even conscious of the motion, across the room and pulling her into his arms, she turns into his chest and clings tight to his robe.

“I didn’t know they were-“

“ _No one_ knows. The Clave covered it up, destroyed all record of it. Like they did for every single other Black Site out there. And no Downworlder who was there willingly talks of it with anyone who wasn’t.”

“How did you get out?” Magnus asks, because no one ever survived the Black Sites, not unless there was a miracle, and Magnus knows he would have remembered Magna if he’d been her miracle.

“The Uprising happened.” Magna hisses, her nails digging in to Magnus’ skin through his clothing, but he doesn’t react, it’s nothing a little magic won’t heal. “The Uprising happened, and the Clave let us go, couldn’t justify killing the lot of us right after condemning their own for the same. So, we were set free, told the Clave wouldn’t be so _lenient_ next time, and to keep our noses clean. Keep _our_ noses clean, when t _heir own people_ had been torturing and killing us in front of each other for _months!_ ” she shrieks, pulling away from Magnus and lobbing a ball of flame at his drinks cart, before tearing at her hair. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I’ve destroyed that thing more times than I can count.” Magnus murmurs, reaching out to pull her back into his arms. “Have you talked about this to someone?”

“Oh yeah, don’t worry, we all have group counselling sessions once a month.” Magna replies, and Magnus can’t tell if she’s joking or being serious until she sighs and lets herself soak in the comfort he’s offering and says “Seriously, Lalia tracked the whole lot of us down and made us swear blood oaths to get some help for at least half a century for the werewolves, and a full century for the rest of us. We don’t have to go to counselling if we don’t want to, but we must be open and honest about our feelings and the struggles in our life, or the demons of our past, at least once a month to _someone._ You’re filling my quota for the month.”

“Well, my dear, I am always happy to help.” He tells her, smiling when she gives a breathless little laugh against his chest. He gently pulls them back to the couch, and pulls her down with him, she snuggles in against him, and just hides her face in his neck. “Now, I really think you should tell your father, but it is your choice, and I’ve already sworn a magical oath not to tell him anything you tell me today. So, if you have anything else you want to get off your chest, I’m listening.”

“I hate them, so much.”

“No one could fault you for it.” Magnus answers, “I certainly don’t, and he wouldn’t either.”

“I know. But he loves _her_ so much, and she’s not even a Shadowhunter anymore. She sees the error of her ways, _now_ , but it’s too little, too late for _me._ ”

“Yes. You don’t ever have to go near her again, Magna. I’ll make sure of it.” Magnus promises, giving the oath on his magic freely.

“Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure and my duty as your baba to protect you.” Magnus tells her, and she lets out a quiet little laugh and squeezes him, burrowing even further into his side, he laughs and runs his hands through her hair. “I missed you growing up, but I’ll be here for the rest.”

“I know, dad’s going to have competition for best father, now.” she tells him, sniffling.

“Of course.” Magnus whispers, a smile on his face. “I’ve been reliably informed that I’m an _amazing_ parent.”

“Oh yeah, by who?”

“Excuse you, by Raphael, of course.” Magnus exclaims, offended. Magna gives a breathless little laugh and shakes her head.

“Sure, baba, I’ll just take your word on it.” She says, closing her eyes. “Thank you.” She repeats, before bursting into tears. He just holds her, whispering sweet nothings, until she drifts into sleep. He holds her, his eyes golden and angry, as he thinks dark thoughts.

What a shame Maryse is off-limits now that she’s no more than a mundane, but Robert? Well, Robert escaped his just deserts once. Never again.

* * *

 

_You just call on me brother, when you need a hand,_  
_We all need somebody to lean on._  
_I just might have a problem that you'll understand,_  
_We all need somebody to lean on._

_If there is a load you have to bear,_  
_That you can't carry,_  
_I'm right up the road,_  
_I'll share your load._  
~Lean On Me, Bill Withers


End file.
